For a moment, think back to the first time you had (consensual) sex. Is it a fond memory? an awful one? something in between?

People have a huge range of experiences in this area, and those early experiences can color our sexual perspective and reactions long after. What impact has your first time had on you since?

It can be interesting and helpful to compare notes with friends. What was similar and different for each of you? What elements tended to make people’s first times good, or not good? Did planning or lack of planning matter? Did it matter how well someone knew their first partner? Did age matter?

If you have an S.O., it’s particularly worthwhile to talk with him or her about your early sexual experiences. You don’t need to tell the details (in fact, you probably shouldn’t). But it’s helpful for your current partner to know the broad outlines of what happened, because that gives insight into how you react as a lover. Especially if your first time was problematic, the one who loves you now might want to be careful or especially tender in some ways to make sure you feel loved and safe.

If you’re a parent, or might be someday, do you hope your child’s first time will be like yours? Or nothing like yours? What aspects of your first time do you hope your kid will also experience when the time is right? What do you hope they’ll avoid? Your answers to these questions can guide the conversations you have with your kids about their sexual choices