With all the demands of modern life, sometimes couples just don’t have the time or energy to spend intimate moments together. With jobs, errands to do, maybe kids, a household to run, and outside commitments, sometimes there just isn’t much left over for your partner. But that’s a problem. Your partner shouldn’t be getting only […]
TalkStarter for Couples: Let the Music Play
For each of us, all sorts of things can trigger sexual feelings and memories. Smells, sensations, words—and music. A lot of what we find sexy comes from our distant past, including childhood. Our arousal patterns—what does it for each of us—are unique and complex. Some elements we may not even be consciously aware of. But […]
The Smallest Possible “No”
It’s unavoidable: Sometimes you won’t want to do what your significant other proposes. Even if you agree on a lot of things, you’re separate people. You won’t always want to do the same things, eat the same things, or run the household in a certain way. If you often agree to things you really don’t […]
TalkStarter for Couples: What Does V-Day Mean, Anyway?
As Valentine’s Day approaches, some people are filled with romantic thoughts—and others with dread. If you and your honey are completely on the same page that Valentine’s Day is really special or not worth bothering with, you’re golden. In most couples, though, there are differences of opinion about how to celebrate the holiday. One may […]
Are Date Nights Really That Important?
Therapists recommend couples scheduling date nights so often that it’s almost a joke, up there with “how are you feeling about that?” You might wonder if it’s just some default thing therapists say to fill up time. Nope. We suggest date nights so often because they work. One-on-one time doing something fun with your significant […]
What Your SO Needs Right Now (No Travel Required)
I don’t actually know your sweetie, so I can’t be sure, of course. But if you’d like an educated guess from a pro, here’s what s/he may be longing for: chill time, preferably with you. The holidays are such a busy time of year that we tend to back-burner the people who are in our […]
The White-Lights/Colored Lights Couple Conundrum
When you were a child, did you have colored lights or white lights on your Christmas tree? (I bet you know the answer without having to think.) Did your partner have the same kind? If both your families of origin decorated the tree in more or less the same way, you’re lucky. You didn’t have […]
Gift-Giving that Works for Your Relationship
What gift are you getting your honey this year? Do you feel pretty good about your plan—or are you scared you might not get it right? Gift-giving can be a big challenge for couples. There are so many variables involved, so many ways to get it wrong. Couples in my therapy office often complain about […]
Your Phone’s Best Relationship Tool
There’s an app for everything. Whatever you’re looking to improve or learn about, you can access it on your smart phone. So what’s the most helpful option for improving your relationships? Based on the many couples I talk to, your phone’s most helpful feature is the “off” switch. In this day of being constantly connected, […]
What My Sex-Therapist Friend Told Me
The other day I caught up with a psychotherapist friend who’s in training to also be a sex therapist. She mentioned that the clients she sees come in for two main reasons: Most of the men come to treat porn addictions, and most of the women want to be treated for low desire. On the […]