Every couple weeks, someone in my therapy office says something like “I just can’t trust him/her at all.” Usually they’re saying that the person has let them down in some way. Sometimes the trust injury is major, like having had an affair, and sometimes it’s something much smaller. One of the things that makes committed […]
Everyone
The Myth of “Just Friends”
If you’ve kissed someone recently, can he/she be “just a friend”? If you’ve had sex with the person? I keep hearing young people say things like “Yeah, we hooked up a few times, but we’re just friends.” Or, “We have sex most weekends, but we’re really just friends.” Really?? “Just friends,” to my way of […]
Why Young Women Need a “No”
There’s a lot in the news about sexual assaults on college campuses. Outright assaults do happen (far too often). But a more common problem, I think, is young women (and sometimes guys) not wanting to say Yes but not knowing how to say No. Sometimes they’re not even sure it’s acceptable for them to […]
The Sexy Gift: When It Is (and Isn’t) a Good Idea
Maybe you’re thinking of giving your honey something sexy this year. Maybe lingerie? a toy? a movie? an experience (e.g. “coupon good for one evening of _____”)? Any of those can add some fun to your relationship—or it can create problems. How can you predict? A sexy gift is probably NOT a good idea: –if […]
What Women Need to Have Great Sex
In many couples I talk to, sex is a sore spot. Sometimes it’s a major source of contention. More often, the sex is pretty good when they have it, but they don’t have it very often. Many women report being too tired or distracted and just not all that interested; lovemaking can seem like just […]
TalkStarter for Adults: What Did You Know About Your Parents’ Love Life?
Were yours the sort of parents who danced in the kitchen and cuddled on the couch? Or the sort who never touched each other? Were they very discreet and un-touchy, but had a sparkle in their eyes sometimes when they looked at each other, so that, looking back, you can tell there was chemistry? Or […]
You, Me, & Someone Else: Ways Non-Monogamous Relationships Get Snarled
Last week, I described various forms of non-monogamous sexual relationships. This week, some thoughts on what makes these relationships more complicated than they might appear. Now, I know I’m irritating two groups here. Some folks will be appalled that I’m even talking about non-monogamous relationships. And the polyamorous community will think I’m uptight and judgmental […]
You, Me, & Someone Else: Complicated Relationships
Most folks have one sexual relationship at a time (at least once we’re beyond the young-adult stage). But there are some couples in committed relationships who choose to involve one or more third parties in their sex lives. This is not for everyone, of course. But in the interest of letting you know “what’s out […]
Boost Your Relationship for a Great New Year
If you’re looking for a great year in 2015, be sure to include strengthening your relationship. Here’s an idea takes only a couple of minutes a day—and the payoff is huge. The concept: Each day, think of one thing you love or appreciate about your partner, and tell him or her. Any positive thing […]
Post-Holiday Recovery: Soaking in Bed
Now that most of the holiday busy-ness is over, you may need a chance to regroup. Here’s an idea I love: “soaking in bed.”* This doesn’t involve actual water—just giving yourself time to savor the warmth of your bed for a while after you’ve had a good sleep. It’s like the long weekend-morning sleeps you […]