is a man’s imagination.” Have you heard that expression? If you grew up a few decades ago, you probably have. Lately, though, we don’t think that way—and our sex lives have lost something as a result.

If you think about what’s sexy, it often isn’t nudity. Not that nudity is unsexy; it’s just that little glimpses of skin can be more so. There’s a reason we like tops with peek-a-boo cutouts in back, maxi dresses with slits up the side, sheer layers that only partly reveal. There’s a reason strippers start off wearing clothes; a reason the covers of romance novels show buff guys in open shirts; a reason the lingerie industry even exists.

While there’s value in directness, there’s also fun in being a little coy. A hint of skin is enticing; it builds curiosity and anticipation. If we move too quickly to showing it all, we lose the thrill of the unveiling, the fun of undoing the buttons, the thinking frisky thoughts about what comes next. Our lovemaking actually becomes more mundane, less erotic.

So maybe slow things down a bit. Bask in the journey, the exploring, the slow process of getting things heated up. Maybe take your time before you sleep with that new partner, to just enjoy making out for a while. (Trust me, it’ll make things even more exciting when you eventually do the deed. And the making out is fun all by itself.) If you’re with a long-term partner, add some imagination and anticipation into your sex life. Maybe one of you can plan a sexy evening for the two of you, giving only tiny hints about what’s on the agenda. Or you can experiment with what kinds of clothes—and what kinds of undressing—turn you both on. Or whatever slows things down and gets you both looking forward to playtime. Your love life will be more erotic when you keep some mystery in the mix.