Were yours the sort of parents who danced in the kitchen and cuddled on the couch? Or the sort who never touched each other? Were they very discreet and un-touchy, but had a sparkle in their eyes sometimes when they looked at each other, so that, looking back, you can tell there was chemistry? Or was their style something different?

Some parents are verbally open about sexuality—maybe providing information to their kids, maybe alluding happily to their own sex life (hopefully without too much detail!). Others may speak negatively about sex, implying “duty” or tolerating it, but not much joy. Some convey strong opinions about “proper” gender roles, levels of desire, etc. Others may say nothing at all, but still communicate boatloads non-verbally.

Whatever your parents said or didn’t say, what did they communicate to you? Growing up, did you somehow get the sense that sex as a good thing, or not? That couples should be, or shouldn’t be, affectionate with each other? That sex should be, or need not be, confined to certain situations or kinds of relationships? From growing up in your family, what did you “just kind of know” about sexuality?

What impact did this have on you? Did you have good role models for a couple relationship and healthy sexuality? Have you had to figure that out on your own? Are you still trying to figure it out? How does all this affect your current (or eventual) love life?

If you have a partner, what was his/her experience? Did the two of you get similar messages about sex and affection, or very different ones? How does that play out in your own sex life and broader relationship? Knowing the different attitudes you grew up with can help the two of you negotiate your path through to a loving, fun relationship.